All are welcome. The book not only for the grieving person, but for partners, families, friends, co-workers, practitioners, and clinicians who are needed to provide an extremely important support network.

The Moncton Public Library is located at 644 Main St., in the Blue Cross Centre.

A living loss is different from a loss through death.   Although physical loss of a loved one is painful and distressing, this grief is generally resolved. A living loss is soul wounding and not often shared with others.   Grieving is difficult and deep sorrow often remains untouched.  Initially, bereaved persons need to understand that they are experiencing grief.  The degree of resolution depends upon a number of circumstances, such as, the intensity of connection with the lost person, age and stage of the grieving person and whether or not the family unit is healthy or unhealthy. A LIVING LOSS: is a book for not only the grieving person, but for partners, families, friends, co-workers, practitioners, and clinicians who are needed to provide an extremely important support network.

This book explores the phenomenon of living loss, in a situation where a person becomes estranged (the enforced) from a family member (the enforcer). Simply, we are discussing the experience of a living person, who has no control over the termination of an important relationship. The enforcer could also be a friend, a co-worker or a partner.  Since there is not necessarily any explanation for the estrangement, shock, grief, depression, and eventual decline in physical health will occur.

Yet, even in estrangement, there is hope.  A LIVING LOSS;  Surviving Separation From a  Loved One validates and helps the grieving person through supportive information, cognitive therapy strategies, relaxation techniques, journaling and much more.  It is possible to emerge a different person, filled with strength, inner peace, and acceptance, whether or not the broken relationship bonds are ever healed.

This is the first book published by Barbara Rombough, M.Ed., Riverview, New Brunswick.   She is a family therapist in private practice who has written and facilitated various grief resolution and self development workshops. As well, she has produced several visualization and healing CDs for clients who are experiencing emotional pain.

Book Forward
Written by Shauna Foote, M.Ed.

I remember it well – in fact, I doubt I will ever forget it. The year was 2000 and I was on top of the world. I was a young woman about to enter graduate school and at the time, I felt I had the world by the tail. I was also blessed to have two very close friends, one I had met during my undergraduate degree, four years earlier, and one I had been best friends with for twenty years. The three of us were inseparable, and those women were like family to me. I was close with their families and they were close with mine. We spent every weekend together and travelled often.  One of these women even had her daughter on my birthday! Then, one day, for reasons even 10 years later I do not understand, the two of them went away on a trip without telling me and when they returned they ended their friendship with me. I was heartbroken. The break was sudden and unexpected, and I was left feeling like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Not only did I lose my two best friends, I also lost the connections with their families – people I had known my whole life. Indeed, my own family felt the loss as they too had known these women for many years and considered them family. I was in the middle of a confusing ripple effect. The whole event was painful and unfortunate, and what I did not understand at the time was that I was part of an enforced separation, and that I was grieving. I did not have the tools to properly deal with this event – instead I was filled with shame and bewilderment. I questioned my self-worth and had to work hard to forge new friendships when I believed I wasn’t worthy of having them. It was not until years later, in therapy, I understood how this living loss had affected me.  It is because of this event, and other similar events when I have helped clients, during the past ten years, that I became interested in living loss.

Loss and grief are natural elements of life. As human beings, we experience a variety of our own losses throughout our lifetimes, and we all experience grief in some form or another. As clinicians, we are often faced with the grieving of others. In fact, many clients who come to us are dealing with grief and loss, even if they do not initially understand that. Grief and loss can be linked to a host of difficulties, such as physical ailments, sleep disturbances, trust issues, relationship problems, just to name a few. This is why it is vital for counsellors to develop a tool kit that allows us to identify grief and help guide our clients towards resolution. We need to be able to walk our clients down the path towards healing, which begins with identifying the possible loss or grief they are dealing with. We have to be able to think outside of the box – grief does not only involve the death of a loved one. It can be the result of a loss of a relationship, the loss of employment, the loss of one’s financial stability. There are so many reasons that will cause a client to grieve and we as counsellors must be able to identify and understand them. This is why a book like Barbara Rombough’s How to Survive An Enforced Separation From a Family Member:  A LIVING LOSS is such an essential tool.

How to Survive an Enforced Separation From a Family Member:  A LIVING LOSS identifies a very common but not often discussed type of loss – enforced separation. Ms. Rombough clearly explains what this type of loss involves, which is essential information for clinicians and clients alike. This book is written much like a work-book, designed for anyone who has experienced an enforced separation, which makes it an excellent tool for counsellors. Clients can use the book to work through unresolved or newly discovered grief in a developmentally sequential manner. Each chapter builds upon the one before, and allows clients to work at a pace with which they are comfortable. Personally, one of my favourite aspects of this book is the gentle manner in which it approaches the subject. Clients will feel safe and respected while working through and processing their grief. The anecdotal story that is included in A LIVING LOSS also allows the client to relate to someone else who has “been there”, which for some people will be very helpful.

How to Survive Enforced Separation from A Family Member:  A LIVING LOSS can also be a useful tool in building the client-counsellor relationship. You can work through the book together, and the questions in the book can be used to guide your sessions together. While exploring these questions, trust-building can occur and an understanding of this often unspoken loss can develop.

Whether you are a counsellor looking for a useful tool to add to your repertoire, or a person dealing with an enforced separation, you will find How to Survive an Enforced Separation From a Family Member:  A LIVING LOSS a very useful book to have. I would encourage you to read through this book more than once so that you can really drink in its essence and understand the source of your grief. Do the work – answer the questions and do the exercises contained in this book with honesty and fervour. You will be glad that you did. You will learn more about yourself and begin the journey towards healing that you deserve.